White Knuckles & White Flags: Letting Go of the Steering Wheel

Are you ready to surrender?

My Reiki sessions almost always start and end in the same sacred territory: the client’s crown. The moment Violet melted into the table and my hands settled near her third eye, I knew we were strapping in for an intense journey. Almost instantly, a familiar spark caught in the center of my spine—the middle of my back started tingling, and then the engine ignited. Kundalini took the wheel, moved me into the backseat, then began mapping the messages.

That fiery ignition always enjoys opening the door for passengers. A sudden, sharp tingling on the bottoms of my feet told me a spirit had officially joined the ride - left foot means male, right foot means female. With my right foot pressing down on the metaphysical gas pedal, my mind welcomed a new passenger.

“Thank you for coming… do you have a message for Violet?” I whispered internally, sensing a distinct feminine energy anchoring herself to Violet’s right.

“A sister?” questioned my ego, suddenly riding shotgun. “Wait, Violet only has brothers - must be a close friend?”

Before the doubt could stall us, Kundalini aggressively regained control, the engine in my back heating up to a searing, untouchable temp. I completely let go of the wheel as the energy threw us into a sharp turn, sending me down the left side of Violet’s body. Her throat chakra felt heavy, a tight roadblock. Release the block - fill it with love. Moving lower, I felt her heart and abdomen click into a balanced rhythm. Good. Then, the current drove my hands straight to her hips. Violet’s body gave a sudden twitch, and the engine in my back blew right through its thermal limits. The white-hot pressure dissolved into a blinding flash. I stopped trying to steer or manage the heat as a fuzzy scene splattered across the windshield of my mind.

Suddenly, I’m looking through a different set of eyes. Violet is there, but she is a tiny four-year-old girl, scrunching her body tight and covering her eyes. Hide. Be quiet. Don't breathe. I don't just see this little girl before me; I feel her terrified heart racing inside my own chest. The room is freezing. The terrifying sound of heavy boots rummaging through the space echoes around us, followed by a violent crash as a thick wooden table is flipped over. Sharp shards of shattered Bizen pottery rain down, tangling into my long, dark hair.

My internal monitor flashes between her terror and my own adult awareness as the anxiety peaks. Who am I hiding from?

Panicking, my ego yanks its hand back onto the steering wheel. But the scene shifts instantly - now I am running at full speed through a dense forest, holding tight to the hand of my older sister. Am I still four? Have I jumped into a past life? This is absolutely crazy. My ego slams both hands on the wheel, desperately trying to wrestle back control from the divine current.

I force myself to take a deep, cleansing breath, anchoring myself back in the room where Violet lies completely still. Another small twitch ripples near her side, and I spot it: a heavy etheric cord gently waving in her aura. Pull. Snip. Dispose. Time to move on. My hands open to embrace pure light, pouring it down to fill the newly cleared void with altruistic love. Finally, I am drawn down to her feet to ground the energy. The current holds the wheel steady now, the ride smoothing out as my right foot tingles with that familiar, uncontrollable itch.

“Hello Sis,” I whispered internally, leaning into the telepathic connection. “I don’t understand?”

The words miscarriageand mother flashed onto the dashboard of my mind.

“Did Violet’s mother have a miscarriage? Are you the soul of that child?”

“Yes," came the quiet response. "And I guide.”

As this wild racetrack of a session finally neared the finish line, the drivers switched one last time. My ego took the wheel to bring us safely back to reality, but my soul sat closely beside it. The two were no longer wrestling for control; they were merging through mutual trust.

“It’s time to come back,” I said softly, giving Violet’s shoulder a gentle nudge as the engine finally idled down.

She blinked open her eyes and smiled. “I feel great!”

Relief washed over me. The metaphysical ride was over, but I could practically smell the smoking tires left behind on the pavement. I took a breath, stepped out of the driver's seat, and decided to trust the guidance.

“I hope I’m not being too personal, but I just have to ask. Did your mother ever have a miscarriage?”

Violet looked at me, surprised. “Yes. Two, actually. One before I was born, and one after.”

I took another deep, grounding breath before finally sharing the details of the wild ride we had just taken. As Violet confirmed that every piece of the puzzle made complete sense to her, chills rippled across my neck and arms - a validating nod from the ether that we had hit the mark.

“I’ve always had ‘a thing’ for Japan,” Violet admitted, revealing another hidden detail. “I even had a Japanese theme for my wedding. And I’ve always felt pulled to visit Kyoto, though I never understood why.”

When she added that she had been burdened by irrational, unexplained fears for as long as she could remember, it felt like the final click of a seatbelt. The frantic route we had traveled had driven us straight to the source of her ancient trauma.

I am endlessly grateful to Violet’s etheric sister for navigating this unforgettable journey. But most of all, I am thankful for the lesson it left behind. I’ve learned - even if it arrived a bit late in my life - that when the divine current takes the wheel, my racing heart must always stop fighting, step off the gas, and wave its white flag.

As always, thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I hope the message of surrender lands softly on your heart. Warmly, -Sonja